Sunday, April 15, 2007

what do men want?

One reason that men might be less comfortable in churches than women may be that churches tend to overemphasize the pastoral care and social aspects of spirituality, and to not spend enough time with the journey to enlightenment aspect that involves questing, and adventure, and individual, intellectual engagement.

Quite by chance the sermon I had scheduled for today was very much in the intellectual mode. As I wrote my sermon I decided to avoid a tactic I would usually employ in addressing such a topic, which would be to find ways to balance the intellectualism with some observations that connect the topic to personal lives and usefulness in personal relationships. Instead, I just crafted a hard-edged, thoughtful, abstract lecture. I was curious to see how the sermon was recieved by men and women.

The congregation applauded afterward, which I take to indicate general interest and acceptance. But very revealing to me was that after the service, four different men sought me out to discuss my ideas. Four men and no women. I did say hello to several women, gave a hug to one, and I did talk to a few men who didn't have anything to say about the sermon. But four men were obvously inspired about the ideas and really eager to continue the conversation my sermon had provoked.

The proper approach, of course, is to balance the head and the heart. I want both. Spirituality should be about both. But my experiment does make me think that churches can do a better job of speaking to men at the intersection of spirituality and masculinity.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't say it's intelectualism I look for, but the adventure bit speaks to Me quite a bit.

Rick Hoyt-McDaniels said...

And there is an adventurous aspect to the spiritual journey, isn't there? But for me, it's an intellectual adventure about probing the big questions of existence.

I also enjoy physical challenges, but I'm more interested in challenging my own limits than in competition with other guys. And in any case those kinds of physical challenges are hard to create in a church setting.

I'm going to keep working on it though. I think there's something here.

Eve said...

I was taken aback that you thought the sermon may not appeal as well with women. Ed and I discussed your sermon, as we do almost every week with Samantha, and found it very thought provoking. But, being the "pastoral care" one in the family I was too busy talking to the visitors to let you know how much we enjoyed it. I, too, am now curious as to what the other females in attendance thought. The female visitors told me that they liked what they heard when I had asked them!

Rick Hoyt-McDaniels said...

I never thought my sermon wouldn't appeal to women. It's my job to craft messages that speak to the whole congregation. And although that article in the Christian Century got me thinking about the possible differences between masculine and feminine approaches to spirituality, I would never write a sermon that I thought wouldn't speak to one sex or the other.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I'm glad the women you spoke to enjoyed it as well.

Although the men that sought me out were certainly engaged with the topic, perhaps the real conclusion I should have made is that, like you, the women were busy making visitors feel welcome while the men were arguing with the minister.