Friday, September 5, 2008

cancel that

My broken wrist especially the first month, and now again after the second surgery, meant adapting to a life when I simply could not do some of the things I could do before, and what I could do with just my left hand (like typing) I have to do a lot more slowly than before. It was depressing but was also a good spiritual lesson for me of having to consciously re-engage with reality instead of moving through life by habit.

Then in July I gave up coffee. The primary reason was that my husband didn't like the way my breath smelled. But with the wrist experience I also saw this as a way to break a habit and see what reality felt like when not met through the filter of a caffeine buzz. It was surprisingly easy to quit. I still use Starbucks as my office but I just buy a bottle of water instead of coffee.

And then in August I decided to cancel my New York Times subscription. I've read a daily newspaper since High School. But I started to notice how much time I was spending on it, and reading a lot of things like movie reviews that I don't really care about just so I would be in the know at social gatherings (ego). And I also saw how the newspaper was distancing me from reality. The newspaper fed my addiction to "knowing" but I was letting my quest for understanding reality get in the way of experiencing reality. The newspaper had become a filter that stood between me and the world and I wanted to try to live more directly in the world.

Giving up the newspaper is an ongoing experiment. I want to stay informed. And I'm still reading news online. So it may take awhile to find the balance I seek.

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