Nearly eight months after my cycling accident that left me with a shattered wrist, I'm still not completely healed and it's beginning to be a possibility that I may never be completely back to normal. Fortunately, the hand itself is OK and I have good movement in all my fingers (typing is not a problem). But there's a significant gap in the bone material of the radius, on the side of the bone near the ulna, near where the bone connects to the wrist.
For the last few months my doctor and I have been trying to get the bone to regrow. I've been wearing a brace for support, taking supplements of calcium, and wearing a "bone stimulator" which is a device that creates an electro-magnetic field over the broken area and induces bone growth. However, the gap has not closed, and it now seems likely that the exposed areas have become scarred over, which would prevent healthy bone from growing.
The next steps would begin with putting a camera inside the wrist to see whether there is any living bone at the break that could support new growth, and if there is then filing the gap with bone graft, perhaps taken from my hip. If there is no living bone then the only option might be to fuse the radius bone with the first line of wrist bones. That would limit mobility but would give me enough strength that I could resume most of the use of my right hand.
Needless to say there has been a lot of opportunity and time for spiritual reflection about all this. I've been depressed. I've confronted feelings of shame (I'm not a perfect cyclist who always pays perfect attention). I've acknowledged my age and mortality. I've tried to develop patience. I've thought about the process of healing and whether there's a place for God in the process or is it just up to me and my doctor. But like the injury itself, which still remains unresolved, my spiritual musings are also incomplete. I don't know what it means. I don't know what it's for. The experience doesn't seem valuable to me, just awful. I don't believe that we have experiences in order to learn certain lessons (the experiences aren't caused purposefully) but I do believe that spiritual growth comes from examining our experience. As of yet I haven't figured out how to make this experience benefit me.