not always the best

I've been noticing how seldom we actually live up to being the best selves we can imagine. I've been noticing this in myself mostly but I have to assume it's true for others as well.

I don't mean the tendency in some egoists to think of themselves more highly than they really are, where the reality doesn't match the internal mental perception. I'm talking about the difference between the person we strive to be, and the oftentimes lesser person we can so plainly observe in ourselves.

And I'm also not talking about the lesser person in the sense of failed dreams. I don't mean, "I could have been a contender! I could have been somebody!" I mean the fully realistic, normal, sense of, "I didn't like the way I behaved in that situation. I wasn't being the person I want to be. I wasn't as kind, I talked too much when I should have listened. I was a grouch." We know what we ought to do, and who we want to be, and then find ourselves not doing it, not being it. It's depressing.

It's a good analysis for Lent (today is day 18) which is all about self-examination, particularly of the less attractive areas of our human condition. It's good to have an honest assesment, even if the picture isn't entirely pretty. But it's also good to notice that by seeing the difference between who we are and who we strive to be, that we are calling ourselves to improvement. To the extent that our lives are the product of our free choices, we know what choices we ought to make. May we have the strength to choose the better life.